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Time, Fear and Hope

The Latest Trend

What day is this? Oh! It’s Friday April 3. How long have we been sheltering? When did this start? I’m afraid I’m losing track.

Has time slowed down for you? It has for me. While my options for activity are more limited, there is no limit to the number of concerns I have, the number of reports, and the lack of resolution in all this information. There is steady stream of new and critical information entering my awareness and yet there is a short list of what I can do to make a difference. This stream is different than the regular news-noise we’ve become accustomed to over the past 3+ years. Rather it contains speculation about people living and dying, suffering, in isolation and facing present and possible loss.

I came across an interesting explanation for the time-warp we are currently experiencing:

There’s a well-known idea that time feels like it speeds up as you age. Summer break feels like an eternity when you’re nine years old but your 60s can skip by in a flash.
The leading theory for why this happens is that the perception of time relies on the number of memories formed in a period, and memories are encoded from new and surprising experiences. The monotony of commuting to work on the same road for 20 years passes without leaving a mark. But every day is a memorable surprise to a child experiencing her first summer camp, or learning how big the universe is for the first time.
Time slowed in March because for the first time since childhood many of us are being bombarded with new and surprising experiences.
Collaborative Fund

Surprise, novelty? These are things that modern people have come to crave aren’t they? The latest music, trend, fashion, technology, idea… The young have craved the “new” as long as I’ve lived and from what I know of history, they always have. Only the pace has changed. But now we are physically at full stop but mentally speeding, with eyes wide open to the novelty of change that is out of our control.

As I have aged I have less need for novelty. I am content with routines aimed at a few goals; family, friends, health, and understanding my world through reading, meditation and observation. Of course I appreciate surprises and a novel experience but I approach them differently than I did as a young man.

As a 64 year old man, days do fly by. It seems like only yesterday that my first grand-child was born, but now she is 7. At the same time she was born, I was retiring. I can’t believe I’ve been retired for 7 years! I returned from Asia 2 years ago. Time did slow while I was there. As I have recounted in my entries from that time, Nepal was like a dream – like a slow unfolding dream. Each day carried unexpected moments of sights, sound, smells and human interaction.

This Present Moment

From what I am reading and hearing, there are but a few categories of activity in this moment of historical crisis. People are doing the best they can based on their geography, profession, age, and socioeconomic status. Some people are challenged with following necessary restrictions while providing service consistent with their profession. It is a shakeup of our sense of normal:

People sheltered at home. Limited activity of shopping for “necessities”, exercise, gathering with distance. “At least 297 million people in at least 38 states, 48 counties, 14 cities, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico are being urged to stay home.” While some of us are in a relatively secure home with access to food and shelter, some are unemployed, some are without shelter and food, some are in crowded situations or institutions where they are close to other residents.
People on the front line of health care. With families sheltered at home, these dedicated and precious individuals are working to hold the line on the pandemic. They are the doctors, nurses and all the support staff required to keep hospitals up and running. Some are overwhelmed in the current battle while some are waiting and provisioning for the coming emergency.
People on the front line of essential services. While “essential” is currently being debated, people DO need food and other supplies to keep going. Grocery stores, post offices, delivery services employ people who continue to provide us support. These people are exposing themselves every day as the public gets face to face. They are generally low paid and dependent upon the salary.
People working to secure supplies. hospital administrators, local, state and national agencies and leaders in a position to identify gaps and do their best to fill them.
People reporting on developments, providing information through print, digital and broadcast media. As we shelter in our isolated locations, there is an increasing need for accurate information; to guide our behavior, help us secure support, allay our fears, prepare us for the future.
People who are providing service from the shelter of their home. Teachers, unemployment personnel (State and Federal), therapists, social workers, lawyers, technology support services, banks, and other support services too numerous to count.

This is a simple snapshot of the current social shift of work in the United States. Some likeness of this is being mirrored around the world, though we are blessed with an infrastructure that makes adjustment easier than a village in Peru.

While news, digital communication and direct observation are providing us with a small window into the activities of our fellow citizens, each of these groups is experiencing this crisis differently. My small window into the hospitals in New York and other cities of high infection gives me some appreciation for their sacrifice, but it doesn’t do them justice. This ignorance of other’s effort is evident in the denial that some cities and states maintain, despite daily news of the tragedy. There is an attitude being above it all, continuing with business as usual.

Silver Lining of Fear

We are all hopeful that the tide will turn quickly and we can return to business as usual. At the same time we are fearful. Fearful for our personal safety, for our livelihood, for our children and our future. For some this fear is motivating and bringing us greater appreciation for our community and our blessed, comfortable life.

This moment of crisis can be a moment of clarity. We are fearful and want to protect ourselves and our loved ones. That’s understandable. This virus, shows us our connection, our interdependence. It shows us how our protection is dependent upon everyone in our midst in a chain of connection that goes all the way around the world. We can take this moment to share other connections; our kindness, compassion, appreciation. These are also infectious.

A retreat for Buddhists is a time for drawing a boundary. It provides one with time to come to terms with the mind and how it creates our reality. Isolated from daily distractions we are left with only our thoughts and feelings, the disturbed and the blissful. Through reflection we learn that we have a choice to create an angry world or a peaceful world. When we are willing to pay attention our thoughts we will discover one important source of our suffering – ourselves.

Paradoxically, this retreat (safe at home) can provide us with a sense of connection to others. In recognizing our personal suffering, we realize that all beings create suffering for themselves, even as they strive for happiness. Like a mother responding to the suffering of her child, this realization brings us compassion for others. I pray that this crisis, and the retreat it has forced upon us, will bring people to realize their common humanity and spark compassion for the welfare of all beings.

Day 6 – A War Near You

Distancing, sheltering, pandemic, covid-19, safe at home, face mask, ventilator, virus testing; these are a few of the terms entered into our vocabulary over the past 4 or 5 weeks. Entering the year 2020, who would have guessed that these would be the most used words in our language. In January and February China struggled with it’s response to the coronavirus (before it was named covid-19). At that point, it was but one headline in the usual fountain of news we have come to expect. And then came March.

March 13th – a US national emergency was declared.
March 19th – nearly all US states declared a state of emergency.
March 22nd – about 1 in 3 Americans were under lockdown with 12 states issuing stay-at-home orders.
March 26th – Colorado joined the ranks with it’s own stay-at-home order.

Tomorrow will be April 1st. We will be in the 7th day of the Colorado stay at home order. At this point some of the novelty is wearing off and people (even our President) are realizing that we will likely be in this mode for many weeks to come. We are trying to digest and accept the predictions; 4 weeks, 8 weeks, 10 weeks? Suffice it to say that there is no end in sight until there is a downturn in the infection rate. We are watching for glimmers of hope even as our hearts sink for the people on the hospital front line; in New York and New Jersey, Washington, California and other hospitals we haven’t even heard of. All are on alert, many are over run or preparing to be over run.

Meanwhile, in homes across the country people are trying to establish new routines within restrictions. Many people I have talked with describe this experience as surreal. And it’s no wonder. We are fighting an enemy that we cannot see. An enemy that requires knowledge beyond what most of us have. We’re dependent upon the knowledge of scientists and experts in disease around the world. Their advice has become invaluable to our leaders and government, guiding them to make hard choices. Reluctantly the “choice” is to restrict choice; to restrict our freedom for our own good and for the greater good.

Here, in my neighborhood, we are abiding by the restrictions even as we try and locate the boundaries. We are staying in and around home, doing home improvement projects, working in the yard, taking walks, and shopping when we have to. Even though these are routines we are familiar with, they have taken on a new feel and they come with new limits. No longer are we fitting home activities into our busy work and social lives. No longer are we spending time planning the next vacation or family holiday party. No longer are we worshiping in person with our chosen congregation (sangha for us Buddhists). We are trying to be creative, to connect with others, to be productive within the physical limits of home.

This slowdown, these restrictions, along with the steady stream of news bulletins also bring angst, a feeling of loss and dread. First we know that there ARE people dying. There are people risking their lives for our health. There are people without jobs and all the loss that will come. We are pained by the sickness, chaos and loss that surrounds us… while we stay at home.

This is a test of our collective mettle. It is a test of our creativity and determination. Can we find ways to meet our needs (economic, psychological and social) and support people in need from the confines of our homes? Can we be patient over the long term, with our family, with the best advice from our leaders? Can we find appreciation for each other?

As this crisis continues into the weeks and months ahead, how will we manage our emotions? Sadly, Americans are prone to blame when things get rough. Can we hold our leaders accountable (as we should) while staying focused on our personal responsibility to make things better?

It is time for people to support one another, locally and worldwide, business and government. With our aspirations, our money and our time, we can stay informed and contribute to our recovery. We are learning that the health and welfare of the individual has an impact on the welfare of our country. I hope concern for others will spring from the confines of our isolation.

Day 4-5 – Care for each other

In times of crisis people are motivated to watch out for themselves. We’re hardwired to survive. It’s a primal reaction for self preservation. When there is a threat, the instinct is intense.

On the other hand, humans have evolved to value community. This is the recognition that we are interdependent; my survival depends upon a group on whom I rely. Our willingness to work for the greater good operates in tandem with selfish motivations. The Dalai Lama calls this being “wise selfish”. Interdependence – the web of dependent links that we have created through social arrangements (business, government, formal and informal) is being put on display right now. One change leads to another. What other conclusion is there but, “we’re all in this together”.

I’m going to sidestep the debate about whether we are more selfish or community minded. Most of us exercise different instincts depending on prevalent conditions; including personal, generational, and situational. A crisis (especially of this scale) is a situation that calls people to step up and do their best for themselves AND their community. The crisis calls us, motivates us, to do our best work in the service of our community. The question is, are we addressing the most critical needs of people who are most critical to OUR survival?

https://www.wordhippo.com/what-is/another-word-for/community-minded.html

Healthcare on the brink

The people who are carrying this crisis at the moment are the health care workers and support staff on the front lines. Are we doing enough to support their work.? Since 9/11 we have legitimately paid homage to our firefighters and first responders. I doubt that much money has flowed to them but they have been honored as critical members of our community. Many of us have the same admiration and appreciation for the hospital staff but there is real concern that they are not getting the tangible resources that they deserve (to serve our community). Reports abound on this topic. We are risking the lives of our health care workers at this very moment. Losing them to the virus or to burnout is not only criminal but irrational.

“In the area of testing we are still not creating capacity and applying it to the people most in need. So we have health workers who are symptomatic who can’t get a test. They don’t know if they should go in or not go in. And yet we have lots of testing given to people who are not symptomatic.” – Bill Gates – March 24, 2020.

The essential missing resources are: 1. Adequate Staff, 2. Tests to determine when a staff member is infected, 3. Protective gear, 4. Ventilators, 5. Space for people who are infected (ICU and quarantine) and space for those who are not infected but require medical help.

The economy unraveling

Reading current economic forecasts, opinions vary, but the majority of economists describe an increasing drop in consumption related to unemployment related to sheltering for safety due to the increase in Covid-19 infection and death rates. While some sectors have remained in business and others may find ways to work safely, we are in the early stages of understanding what is safe. Testing, when it becomes widespread, will be a legitimate tool to chart a safe economic response. As reliable information (who is infected, how is it spreading, what regions require support) is available, I expect the creative and entrepreneurial instinct of people will find ways to provide service and build novel businesses. An economic rebound will rely on this creativity and on government to support their initiatives.

It is safe to say that the coming days will require sacrifice. No matter how long this pandemic persists, we will have to navigate the mysteries and perils of Covid infection while picking up the pieces of the world economy. While everyone agrees that we need to be strategic the way we manage the economy, there are already major disagreements on who comes first. Expect a repeat of the debate leading to the 2 trillion dollar bill that was just passed. Money for people, small business or corporations?

“This is why governments are now responding on a massive scale. In addition to the magnitude of policy response, governments need to get their focus right, targeting effectively to support the most vulnerable links in the economy. What has been announced so far is just the beginning–there will be much more to come.” – Forbes

Triage for the economy

The question is what are the most vulnerable links. Is it the unemployed, small business, healthcare (including preparation for repeated infections), or corporations? Will we assume that corporations are most important to economic recovery? Will we feel compelled to compensate them for their losses. Or should we support the poor, the middle class, small and medium sized business? All of us have lost, to greater or lesser degrees. How to we rebuild our community of services?

We can hope that conditions will not be as dire as I have described but it is safe to say that we will be facing a recovery, the likes we have not seen since the depression. Granted it will be different than the depression of the 30s but policies will need to be aimed at jobs, unemployment, housing, health care and other basic human services. It is safe to say that we won’t have as much “disposable” income (what a horrible term) on the other side of this crisis and that people will need support for housing, education, and health care to name a few.

As the dust settles and we emerge from our shelter in place, the question will remain – Can we resist selfish (individualistic) impulses and respond a community-minded fashion?

Day 3 – What does the future hold?

Over the past few days I have taken time to speak with a few friends and family; to check in, talk about life in general and of course discuss how we are coping with the crisis of Covid 19. Sometimes the conversation steers toward how we and our loved ones are coping with the restrictions. At other times we talk about the future; when we will be able to be with each other again, when we will have more freedom of movement. We wonder about the days to come, spring and summer and fall, whether and how we will have to protect ourselves. Sometimes conversations lead to concerns for our physical and financial future; what kind of job, income, retirement people will have. All of these topics underline our sense of uncertainty – our desire to know more.

Fear and uncertainty can be motivating or debilitating. It can lead one to exercise caution and take positive action. It can also lead to anxiety, indecision, obsessive behavior and thinking, and violence.

The conversations we have had are generally comforting as we feel the familiarity and endurance of our bond. With close friends we can learn and benefit though each other’s experience. My friends have helped me appreciate different aspects of the crisis, different experiences that they or their friends are having. They tell stories of friends who are isolated and alone, friends infected with the virus, friends who have no work and little savings, friends who are trapped away from home and some who have just returned from other countries.

These conversations have helped me appreciate the diversity of perspectives on this crisis. Looking into the idea of perspective in the news I have learned that variations may be due to the level of infection in a person’s region, whether someone they know is infected, race, socio-economic status, housing, political perspective, and significantly, their age. For example:

The McCann Worldgroup (a resource for business) has reported that “Young people overall are more worried that they will lose their job or struggle financially compared to older people:”

Young people are also more worried that levels of racism will increase as a result of the pandemic.
In the United States, 22% of people aged 18-24 are worried people will become more racist, compared to 10% of people aged 45-54. In Spain, 17% of people aged 18-24 are worried people will become more racist, compared to 9% of people aged 45-54.
In the United States, 39% of young people (25-34) have reported concern about losing their job or struggling financially compared to 12% of older people (45-54).
In India, 23% of young people (25-34) are worried about losing their job or struggling financially compare to 16% of older people (45-54).

The dynamic nature of this pandemic makes it very difficult to understand. Not only are number of infected changing by the hour, by region, state and county but the response and information are also variable through time.

I hope you, your friends and family are well. I hope your local community is coming together in support of all.

Day 2 – What are we learning?

I woke up this morning with a limited number of goals in mind. Go to the grocery store, meditate, take a walk, read the news and email, connect with a friend, and write. In the back of my mind I’m keeping an eye on projects around the house that can benefit from some attention. Here it is, almost 4:00pm and I accomplished all of these to some degree.

It is curious how much psychological energy it takes to go to the grocery store now. It was akin to trips I would make outside the monastery in Kathmandu, Nepal. My mind drifted toward the trip to the grocery while in meditation. I got dressed with an eye toward the event, even setting aside the beautiful facemask that Joni made for me. I made sure that I had a clear idea of what to buy and was equipped with the right currency and cards for being out and tried to time my trip to arrive in mid morning, after the first rush. Driving into the parking lot of the store, I was happy to see few cars and lots of space between them. In the store the mood was somber but clerks were very helpful and courteous and there were some knowing nods and smiles from people as we passed. Some wore face masks like myself, many did not. Somehow I felt more connection with those who did.

I was happy to see that, while the shelves in the store were laid bare in places, I was able to get some version and quantity of the things on my list. The experience wasn’t normal but manageable. Later in the day I spoke to a friend who had gone to the same store at 8:00am for “senior shopping”. His experience sounded harrowing compared to mine. He described the store as packed, especially in the produce and checkout lines. He said that people were unable to maintain distance between them. I had heard stories about these special shopping hours from my neighbors and had vowed that if I ever see a full parking lot at the grocery store, I will return home to shop another time or day. I think the store needs to rethink this senior strategy as it may have unintended and infectious consequences.

I’m going to keep today’s entry short but I want to share an opportunity with you that could make a difference. Today on “Science Friday” I learned about a website that has been created to report our health (feeling good, feeling bad) and our symptoms (if we’re feeling bad) on a daily basis. It is called “COVID Near Me“. Gathering this information will allow health officials to see the patterns of outbreak and the symptoms geographically so that the spread can be understood and addressed.

One of the challenges we face is that we don’t know how the virus is progressing. We don’t have enough testing kits to contain the virus in the way South Korea did (that’s a whole other story). Our only defense has been to self isolate so that we don’t spread the virus. Now that we’re all sitting at home, it is a great time to be a citizen scientist and contribute for the well being of us all. From the website COVID Near Me:

Created by epidemiologists and software developers at Harvard, Boston Children’s Hospital and a group of volunteers from across the technology industry. Covid Near You uses crowdsourced data to visualize maps to help citizens and public health agencies identify current and potential hotspots for the recent pandemic coronavirus, COVID-19. The website is a sister tool of Flu Near You, created by Ending Pandemics and Boston Children’s Hospital in 2012 and maintained by the Boston Children’s Hospital team.
Covid Near You relies on voluntary participation from the general public, asking you to take a few seconds to report if you or your family members have been healthy or sick.
We analyze thousands of reports and map them to generate local and national views of covid-like-illness, providing public health officials and researchers with real-time, anonymous information that could help end the COVID-19 pandemic, and prevent the next one from happening.
With your help, we can all see what’s happening and better still- you have the knowledge to protect yourself and your family against disease.

I hope you will participate.